We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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