R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
