too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
