maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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