the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
