The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
