he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
