I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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