Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So here I am, sexting at work.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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