I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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