Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
