It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
