my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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