I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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