Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
