Sacagawea was the original milf.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
