My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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