We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize