So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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