Only a mothe r could love this liver
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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