She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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