your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
