C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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