When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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