rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
