she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
