My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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