If i come over, it means nothing
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
