'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
