he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
