His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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