Is it because I queefed?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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