So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
