I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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