even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
