looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
