im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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