Apparently you make a good broom.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
