Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
