i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
