i just had sex bonerless
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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