My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
