Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
