I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize