Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
