so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
