I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
