Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think people are normalizing furries
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
