The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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