Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
