I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
