M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Too much gin, very little bucket
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
