I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
