hell yes lets make some ravioli
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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