You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
