Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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