Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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