He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My ass is underappreciated
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
