And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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