Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
