i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
