I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize