I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize