oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
