god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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