Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
