if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
