You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
