New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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