Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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