My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
