uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Congratulations! We have a period
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
