i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
